Is someone playing mind games with you?

May 2, 2018
Zara Maqbool

By Zara Maqbool

The Players

People play psychological games unconsciously all the times and more so in intimate relationships. There are non-believers who would laugh at this notion but once you accept that a mind game can be played, you will start recognizing the players around you. These gamers become persecutors, victims and rescuers and busting their game is easier said than done. The persecutor’s stance is ‘‘you made me do this!’’ Sounds familiar? How many times do you hear people make the entire conflict your fault and you end up believing it also? Then there is the victim who non-verbally communicates ‘poor me!’ all the time. Look out for these ‘mein bechaari or becharaas’ because they are the hardest to shake off. Invariably they will end up making you feel like a persecutor or even a rescuer, which is the third pawn in this drama triangle, the rescuer. ‘Let me help you! How noble indeed but watch out for these rescuers who actually are discounting our ability to do well on our own. Mind you helping people from a place of sincerity is different than being a rescuer that is always on the search of victims it can save.

Why people play games?

Its all about control darling so sooner you recognize it the faster you will get a handle on things especially in intimate relationships. People with insecurities play these games more than others because they feel they lack control and playing these mind games can make them feel like a ‘winner’ for a change. The wife who acts helpless and needy brings out the rescuer in her husband at times who on a white horse will save the damsel in distress.

How to bust the game?

Remember that the mind games are being played because the person cannot directly address the issue and use this indirect and manipulative approach. So how do you beat the player at his own game? If you feel something is being projected your way and it is not sitting well with you it is most likely a game being played. So confront the person gently and ask what is on their mind so there is authenticity in the relationship and no one gets hurt. If they feel defensive and do not want to talk you can disengage and approach them again and if they fail to become an adult then its time to bring out the game in the open! Watch out for yourself when you lay down your final card!

Published in Opinion

Story first published: 2nd May 2018