By: Zara Maqbool
I have decided to come out of the closet. Yes I do experience pangs of mistrust when it comes to my husband and the presence of eligible females, sending a warning signal immediately. I dedicate this blog to my dearest husband who now and then suffers at the hand of a ‘shakki’ wife. I feel no shame in confessing this but I do aspire to be totally ‘shakk-less’ and not raise an eyebrow when he mysteriously takes the phone to the other room at midnight. In his defense it’s a work call from US. That magical moment when the call log confirms that, rings ‘mandir’ bells like in old Hindi movies in my head and makes me fall in love with him all over again.
I can bet my Gucci bag that many wives will be nodding their heads more than once while reading my blog. After my public confession many might feel more comfortable in sharing tricks of the trade to keeping an eye on our lesser halves.
Infidelity is relevant to all kinds of societies. I cannot begin to imagine what a person married to a cheat goes through but here I am talking about those wives who have partners yet to be caught in the act but still the wives very diligently practice being Nancy Drew on a daily basis. Is it fear of losing their spouse or lack of faith in their own selves that doesn’t allow them to have complete faith in their spouse?
In a way we empower our husbands so much when we show our lack of trust in them showing our insecurity in our own selves to retain a happy marriage and suffocating them at the same time.
My friend Selina’s husband travels a lot and at night after she talks to him and he says he is going to sleep, she checks his last seen on WhatsApp to see if he is actually sleeping. He has now changed the WhatsApp setting so now she periodically wakes up at night to check if he is online.
The sad part is that it’s the wife who is going through this frustration and misery while the husband is merrily going about with his life. A suspicious mind is alone suffering, finding meaning in things the poor husband hasn’t the remotest idea about. I posted this question on my Facebook wall whether my married friends trust their husbands and the responses were hilarious and hitting home. “Trust under strict supervision “, says Ayesha Shirazi while Neera an unmarried friend responded, “I am not married and already I don’t trust him.”
I wonder how a suspicious mind can feel at ease and attain trust in her spouse. Love and trust go hands in hand so if one ingredient is missing can a marriage really work? How suffocating must it be for our spouses to be mistrusted if in reality they have neither cheated nor do they plan to? Men are stereotyped to be less faithful in marriage and having extra marital affairs but can all husbands be painted with the same brush?
I truly empathize with all those including my hubby who has yet to be caught in the act but still have to face the brunt of doubt now and then. I personally blame the endless modes of communication that is available now like Viber, Facebook, Tango and what not. Is it humanly possible to keep track on someone with so many avenues of communication available? And more importantly why do we need to keep track?
I think the only possibility is to install some human tracker that will record all conversations and movement. But then the wives who are suspicious may feel that the husband has customized the tracker to their benefit. Our husbands need to remember that we do research better than any intelligence agency. The thing is that there is no end to being distrustful and it’s a miserable way to live. So let’s not wait for a fatwa that will declare keeping tabs on husband’s haram and stop right away!
Story first published: 7th January 2017