10 things I hate about desi weddings…

January 1, 2018
Samaa Web Desk

The wedding season is upon us and while there is always a great deal to celebrate about the union of two people, most of us have to put up with a lot of annoying stuff that stretches on for days. Here is a list of 10 things that I HATE about desi weddings…

1. When your house becomes a hotel for all the guests to stay in…

Admit it. You’ve always felt your house is too small for you to live in (whether you live in an apartment or a bungalow) but if your sibling happens to be getting married, relatives from around the world flock in and occupy your space.

2. The thankless relatives who won’t appreciate the things you do for them…

Yup. Every other Pakistani khandaan has their fair share of thankless relatives who want to experience the luxurious life when they come visit you. Take them out to restaurants, show them the local landmarks but when you’ve done all you can and the dust has settled,  WHINE THEY WILL at all cost!

3. The bickering never seems to stop, does it?

Yep. Since we like to keep it big and basically every other decision requires that extra bit of consultancy on all matters, desi weddings trigger bickering and little fights among relatives that often turn serious. I mean come on guys, we’re here to celebrate, are we not?

4. A host of people you don’t know but have to mingle with…

You end up meeting a host of people you’d rather not or wouldn’t care to mingle with, all courtesy desi weddings. Plaster on that fake smile across your face, ready your hand for an awkward handshake and be prepared to be quizzed like hell.

5. And when you meet such people, the quizzing begins…

Beta when are you getting married? What are you studying nowadays? Where are you working? 

If you’ve braved as many desi weddings as I have, you may realise that these questions are meant to size you up as a person by people who haven’t seen you since you were a toddler.

6. The annoying rishta aunties…

They’re not only confined to traditional weddings but have made their way to a mobile taxi service as well. I don’t know about you, but I for one always fear the much-dreaded rishta aunties who are constantly eyeing you to arrive at the conclusion as to whether you’re a suitable match for their child or not.

7. Those excruciating lovey dovey photo sessions…

Photographers these days have to act so professional that they’ve ventured into something new altogether. Gone are the days when the bride and the groom were clicked looking elegant on the stage. Instead, photographers tend to recreate scenes from your average Bollywood flick.

The lovey dovey poses are just too difficult to handle for the bride and groom and excruciating to watch for any neutral observer.

8. When the festivities drag on late into the night…

Pakistani weddings start late and end late as well. This takes a toll on the distant relatives who attend the occasion, want to have food, meet people and then leave.

9. Oh and not forgetting the food thing…

Of course when the festivities drag into the night late, the food is served at an ungodly hour as well. As per my own calculations (nothing hard and fast) almost 85% of every wedding crowd is there for the food!

Oh and the way certain people nudge you to the side just to grab ALL of the food inside a dish is also exasperating. 

10. The joota chupai thing…

Why does the groom’s shoes get stolen towards the end of the wedding? Must he pay a bucket-load of cash to his bride’s siblings to get them back? The tradition is an annoying one for he who must pay the tab.


Story first published: 1st January 2018

 
 

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